


Happily Ever After Never Ends

by Pastel Blue Love (iamstaringdirectlyatyou)



Series: After Steven Universe Future [1]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon), Steven Universe Future (Cartoon)
Genre: ...i guess, Angst, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Some Plot, this is steven's road to recovery-the fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:40:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23546296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamstaringdirectlyatyou/pseuds/Pastel%20Blue%20Love
Summary: Steven travels around the country and learns more about human culture. {I recommend yall to listen to the song(s) that is linked at the beginning of every chapter for the full experience}
Relationships: Bismuth/Pearl (Steven Universe), Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe, Ruby/Sapphire (Steven Universe)
Series: After Steven Universe Future [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1703602
Comments: 3
Kudos: 18





	1. A start to an old ending

**Author's Note:**

> I've been thinking of making this fic ever since the show ended so now I have the resources to do so. A thanks to universallywriting (on tumblr) for providing me the fan map. I haven't written fanfiction in a while so bare with me and enjoy! Oh and this takes place right after the end of the show.

_♪Being...♪ ♪Being…♪ ♪Being Human♪_

* * *

[ Chapter One ](https://youtu.be/RZ8y37jMX4A) [ : ](https://youtu.be/aBVnya_27Z4) [ Prologue](https://youtu.be/RZ8y37jMX4A)

This is really happening, huh? I just left the family whom I love so dearly I am exploring new foundations of a world I have never known before. It's foreign territory yet it feels a bit familiar. I sigh a happy, yet nervous smile. _"Where to first Universe?"_ I think as I stop at the stop light and glance at my Boogle Maps, _"Charm City, huh, at least I'm still in the same state. Plus I get to see Sadie and Shep again so that's good!"_ as the light turns green I press play initiating the next song. Coincidentally it was Sadie and Shep's song, _Looking Forward_. When I first listened to the song I couldn't get it on a personal level it never applied to me, until now. Now I understand that I can look forward and beyond than just the usual. This song gives me so much hope of my future, despite me barely knowing what my future will become. But at least I have an outline of what I want to do which reminds me of one of my therapy sessions.

> _It was my fourth therapy session and I started to trust my therapist, Dr. Jen, after a bit of ranting she asked me, "Steven, do you have any goals?"_
> 
> _"I don't know," I said, "I never really had the time to think about it as I thought I would still be having to resolve gem conflict until the day I die," I chuckled a bit, "But, I never had enough time to go out and see other parts of earth while I was saving the galaxy. I don't really know much of what I could--" I gasped, "That's it! Traveling," I said with a chuckle._
> 
> _"I think that's a really good idea, Steven."_
> 
> _"Really?" I wasn't the most into this plan at first. I never really got to know much of earth, despite me living here my whole life._
> 
> _"Yes, it'd be really good for you to get out of a place that had caused you so much stress throughout your whole life. If you do decide to leave it will be a very freeing experience, a kind like no other. And, of course I’ll be able to keep in touch ”_
> 
> _“Huh,” I looked down at the floor for a second, “I’ll think about it,” and then I got up to leave.”_
> 
> _“But we still have an hour left,” Ms Jen stated as I had already left._

For the months following that conversation I had thought long and hard about if I was going to leave Beach City, my home. I researched and talked to my therapist about it a bunch of times, and of course I ultimately made the decision of leaving. I notice tears come down my eyes as I notice this moment really is freeing. It’s beautiful to just go and live without having to worry about-- well I do still worry. I worry that a rebellion may start or someone may want to kill me but, no...nope I will not spiral not today, not now. Because I have, as my google maps states, “arrived at my destination.”

There are so many people here, obviously I have been to a concert before...a couple actually but never alone. It’s different, it’s new. I gave the ticket guy my prepaid ticket, which has a backstage pass included in the order. The concert was similar to the other concerts I’d been to except instead of rock it was more so...acoustic-esk and was surrounded by a lot of people whom I had never seen in my life. But as I was crowded by these strangers I reminded myself that I’ll soon see my friend. I did really like the songs; they were very peaceful and kind of put you in a cool kind of trance. A lot of them were about rebirth and finally finding yourself. I’m not quite at this point but I have enough hope to find that part of myself. 

After watching the concert I go to see Shep and Sadie backstage. I gave Sadie a hug and we talked for a bit and she said that we could meet up at a little bagel shop twenty minutes away from here to catch up after she’s done meeting fans. I, of course, agreed. 

> The bagel shop was no donut shop but it was still pretty neat. Sadie and Shep didn’t quite arrive yet so I waited for them. Also I don’t really know how to really order from places like these. Yes, I have been to food establishments but, when I ordered I always knew the people who worked there so how do I approach? How do I talk to people normally?

Luckily Sadie and Shep entered the shop,”Hey Steven,” Sadie said as she gave me a hug.

“Hi Steven,” Shep said as they waved to me, “what’s up?”

“Oh, nothing much just standing and waiting,” I say trying to make a joke but it didn’t really go through all the way as I laugh a bit nervously. And they both smile and sit down at a table, “I can order the bagels if you want,” I say a bit quickly and quirky. I don’t know why I said that. I have no idea how this place works. I was supposed to ask them to order for me.

I walked over to the cashier who was wearing all black, except for her apron uniform on which the name tag read: Nova. She chewed gum and had a very kind voice that said, “Hello sir, what would you like?”

“Um...uh,” oh I forgot to ask what they both wanted, “one....of...everything?” whyyy did I say thaat??

“Really?” she asked a bit concerned, “like everything?”

“Yeeeup,” I could have said I’m just joking around but, we all know I wouldn’t have said that.

“You do know there’s like over 250 different items, right?”

“Yeah,” I did not know that but I still gave her my credit card and gave her a bit of a toothy smile.

“Okay then,” her face was a mixture of doubt, happiness and confusion as she swiped my card and gave it back to me. Then she gave a shocked face and quickly put a bunch of bagels in a very large bag.

“Thank you,” I said as she gave me the bag.

She said, “Your welcome,” and I heard her mumble, “ᵗʰᵃᵗ ᵏᶦᵈ ᵐᵘˢᵗ ʳᵉᵃˡˡʸ ˡᵒᵛᵉ ᵇᵃᵍᵉˡˢ” 

I walked over to Sadie and Shep with a very large bag of bagels and sat down, to my surprise they were very concerned, “Are you okay Steven?” Sadie asked.

“Why do you ask that?” I say while grabbing an everything bagel.

“Well, we saw you asking the cashier for every bagel in the store,” Shep responded.

“And you were kind of acting nervous around us earlier,” Sadie added.

“I don’t know why.” I say taking some seasoning off the bagel, “I don’t know why I’ve just been a bit nervous around you two.”I sigh and wipe off some more of the seasoning, “Okay maybe I do…” I sigh and take a bite, “it’s just that I feel bad. I don’t want you both to hate me.”

“Why would we hate you?”

“I dunno, maybe because I almost killed you both the last time we saw each other...y’know with the whole pink shrinking dome thing I created.” I was both questioning and a bit quiet when I said that sentence.

“Oh, Steven,” Sadie scoots a little bit closer towards me, “we don’t hate you...you were going through tough times and you didn’t know how to cope with them. It happens to the best of us. It's okay, I forgive you,” She then gives me a slight smile.

“So you’re just gonna forgive me like that?” I said a bit defensively.

“Yeah,” Sadie said sincerely, “You don’t think you deserve forgiveness for your mistake?”

“You’re right, I’m sorry, and thank you for forgiving me.”

She chuckles, “You don’t have to thank me for forgiving me nor apologize like I said ‘Mistakes happen.’”

“Oh, okay,” I look at the bag of bagels again, “What are we gonna do about all these bagels, though?” and then my eyes lit up, “we can give them to a homeless shelter!”

“Mmmm I’m not sure about that,” Shep interjected, “As bread is perishable food and they probably wouldn't accept it.”

“Oh,” I say in a bit of disappointment.

“But you can still donate with non perishable food, like canned foods and cereals of such.”

“Noted,” I say, maybe one of these days I’ll get the time to donate. But I don’t think I can right now as it is very late. I stand up signifying that I’ll be leaving.

“Wait, Steven,” Sadie said as I looked towards her, “where are you staying at tonight?”

“Oh, my car...sleeping in it gives me an odd sense of nostalgia.”

“Ah, well we do have this spare hotel room key if you wanna,” she then gives me the key that has the numbers B205 on it, “Bye Steven I’ll see you soon,” she says as she hugs me and waves goodbye. And Shep also waves goodbye, too.

So now it’s just me standing there with two keys in my hand, one to my car and one to the hotel. Of course the car will give me a sense of comfort, but the hotel is a new experience. A hotel in a place I have never been before, yes.

I drove up to the hotel after I asked Sadie the directions to it. It was called Holinnden Hotel, it wasn’t as fancy as Empire city’s hotel but it was also not as rundown as the motel that I stayed in when I was 14. 

The room was nice, it had one bed and one bathroom and a pretty cool view too. I looked at my hand and in it was the bagels, still. _“What am I gonna do with you guyss,”_ I thought as I sat on my bed and then I remembered, “oh yeah I’m half gem,” so I bubbled the bagels up and sent them off on a journey. 

Soon after I fell asleep into a dream of delight, that was quickly ended by the ringing of my phone.

It was the gems.

I answer them hurriedly and happily.

“STEVEN!” Pearl yelled as her face was all in the camera, “We saw your bagels, is there something wrong?! Did something happen?!”

“No, no,” I laugh a bit, “Nothings wrong, everything's fine, _really_. I just needed a place to keep them.”

“Oh,” Pearl says as she backs away from the camera and essentially pretends like that whole fiasco didn’t happen, “Well, Hi how are you? How is the trip going so far?”

“Um, it’s going good so far I--”

“Yo pearl is that Steven!?” Amethyst yelled from across the room and then soon ran over to me, “Hey dude how’s it going?”

“Hello Steven,” Garnet says as she pops up out of nowhere.

“Hey guys, I’m doing good. I just met up with Sadie and Shep and now I’m in a hotel room. What’s up with you guys.”

“Nothing much,” Amethyst responds.

“Totally _not_ crying for hours, thAT’S for SuRE,” Pearl says in an obviously lying tone.

“We were crying for hours,” Garnet stated.

“Aww, well it helps, I do miss you guys.”

“We miss you too,” they say simultaneously.

“Well, I have to go..to sleep so bye! I love you all! Say hi for me to everyone in beach city!”

“Bye dude!”

“We love you!”

“Will do.”

And then I hang up as I wave to them goodbye.

I then was about to put myself through slumber once more but then I noticed that I forgot to get my pajamas out of the car. So I got up, got the keys and searched for my pajamas in the car. But as I was looking I noticed lights flashing in the sky. _“Fireworks?”_ I thought as I looked up at the sky. They were indeed fireworks, but a hint of me was scared. That scradness derived from the fact that maybe...maybe it was another invasion. What if another alien race comes to attack earth? What if everything I have ever done was all for nothing? I shiver a bit at the thought. No-- I don’t want nor need to think about that right now. I just want a peaceful night just for tonight. Bad thoughts can happen any night but tonight. As this is the start of a new beginning. This is a start to my ever after that never ends. 

I then grab my pajamas and go back into my room. I then put on my pajamas, lay down and sleep. 

Day one of my journey is over.


	2. Days are Black and White

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven travels up north to Jersey and Pilgrim State

_ ♪Been in the darkness till you came along♪ ♪Showed me the daylight, yeah♪ ♪And I’m tryin’ so hard♪ _

* * *

[ Chapter Two: Providence Island ](https://youtu.be/ksHbSw4VEq4)

I got up a little late today, but that’s reasonable because I went to bed late. But that’s okay because I still have 14 hours of today left to go. Well...it’s even better than okay because I get to see Connie today! I swear I smile every time I think about her, but first I need to find out what I’m going to wear. I look in my luggage to see my assortment of black shirts with a star on them and jeans.  _ “Hmm, I can either wear this one,” _ I think as I hold up a shirt,  _ “or this one,” _ I hold a shirt directly identical to it. I put on my clothes and huff, _ “I really need new clothes, it feels like I’ve been wearing them for a season’s worth of time.” _ I then grab my keys, luggage, and varsity jacket and head out. 

As I sit in the car I have a realization that this is the first time I ever left the state/gone to a neighboring state. I mean sure I’ve passed through Jersey, and yeah I’ve been to Korea but that’s just normal kid stuff. All that I’m saying is that when I travel I never really traveled to states outside Delmarva. Also the trips always had to deal with some sort of drama, I’d be able to relax for a little bit but then there’d be some kind of drama.

I sigh, and think positively, “Today we’re going to fix that. Today is going to be the best, drama-free day ever.” And yes, I know that when someone says that it usually ends up to be the worst day of that person’s life ever (especially when that person says it out loud). BUT I never ever met a person who said that ‘Today is going to be the best day ever’ ..so it could be a myth. You know what else I think is a myth? Jersey being a bad place! Sure, some random person threw a shoe at me and sure there’s a lot of smog there but that was two years ago if the galaxy could change their ways in two years so maybe Jersey did too. And because I am VERY optimistic and maybe a lil’ crazy I AM stopping by Jersey before I get to the BNB!

So...Jersey is well...it’s um...the point is I am never going back Jersey. The amount of events that happened in only ten minutes were so drastic that my mind cannot comprehend. But all I know is that it all started when that rat ate that mouse. WHY DID THE RAT EAT THE MOUSE? This trip was supposed to be about self discovery and rebirth. Not cannibalism. But the worst part is, is that the rat-mouse cannibalism wasn’t the worst part. And once again I cannot put into words enough that I cannot describe those events after the whole rat-mouse scenario, so I won’t all I’ll do is drive and try to forget that Jersey exists. PLEASE DO NOT GOT TO JERSEY.

I drown myself in Emily King songs as I drive to the BNB. Her music always calms me down after a stressful situation. And despite the  _ incident  _ I still believe this will be a good day. Wait..did I just double jinx myself...no. One myth may be true but the good day curse-myth is not true. I will have a good day and I am going to like it.

After a very long, traffic-filled afternoon I finally made it to the BNB in Providence Island, Pilgrim State. I get my belongings out of the car and knock on the door, soon comes an elderly woman with snow white hair and brown skin, to open the door.

“Hello,” she says as she waves, “I’m Sofia Ruiz and your name is?”

“Steven,” I say, “Steven Quartz Cutie Pie De Mayo Diamond Universe.”

“Oh dang,” she chuckles, “that’s almost as long as my full name.”

“You could say that I earned them over the years.”

“Ha,” she laughed despite it not technically being a joke, but she doesn’t need to know, “I’ll give you a tour,” she says as she gets up and I follow. She showed me the kitchen, the dining room, the bathroom, the bedrooms (there were two). The overall house was very nice, it was one story, but a very long story, “...I get in the house at 5:00 am to make breakfast, so don’t be startled if you hear me come in and if you need anything I’ll be in the house right next door.” she was about to leave and then she added, “Oh, if a friend is staying over make sure to tell me beforehand I am very old and sometimes I’m afraid I’ll start hallucinating soon.”

“Oh, okay I am bringing over a friend.. Also you're not THAT old. My guardians raised me and they’re like a bajillion years old, maybe older. I haven’t found the right time to do the math.”

“Oh,” she chuckles, “you’re such a flatterer bye bye now,” Marie then waves goodbye to me and I to her leaving me alone in the house.

I then grabbed my phone to text Connie:

> Me: Hey Connie Im @ the BNB! :)
> 
> Connie: That’s Great! Do you want me to go there or do you wanna drive here?
> 
> Me: I’ll drive. I like seeing new things..also I have nothing else to do lol
> 
> Connie: Okay I’ll be here
> 
> Me: And I’ll be there

Something about driving is extremely fun but driving with one of the best if not THE best person in your life is euphoric. It’s something that words can’t describe because sometimes there are no words and that’s fine. 

“So, where’s your next stop?”

“Jayhawk University...I’ll put it into your phone because I have no idea of where it could be as I'm super new to this state!”

“You and me both,” I say and chuckle as I turn up the song.

Jayhawk University, an Ivy League school and a school that Connie is very excited to visit. To be honest, if I had the proper education, I don’t know if I’d want to go to college. Of course, barely know anything about what college is. But based on what Connie has told me about it I know that it’s not really my thing. But it might not be my “thing” because I hadn’t had a chance to meet other people and new cultures. Maybe this school tour is a new opportunity for me to realize I wanna go to college. Even though I don’t know how I would, because I’ve never been to High School...or Elementary School for that fact of the matter. But I think there’s something called a GED so I think I could get that. But this is all hypothetical. My decision will be impacted by these events:

So we got out of the car and a lot of people were there, which makes sense as it is a popular college. We went to many introductory programs, none of which really caught my eye. But I do grasp a better understanding of what college is. And if I were to go to college then I don’t really think it’d be here. And even if I don’t know what I wanna do in life I can still go to it! I feel like after I’m finished traveling maybe I’ll go to one. But I don’t think I’m really ready. Mainly because I don’t have enough social skills nor a lot of intellect but also because I’m already focused on this one goal right now. But I’m goad that I figured out I have another goal.

“So,” I say as I buckle my seat belt, “how’d you like it?”

“I loved it,” she then says, “it’s just I’m kinda scared...what if I’m not good enough or what if I’m doing this too early?”

“It’s okay to be scared, I’m scared right now of this whole trip. And given how smart you are and excited you are about this, I’m sure you’re ready.”

“Aww thanks, so what about you? I saw you paying attention during the programs.”

“Well, I have been thinking maybe I might wanna go to college in the future. Like, after I’m done traveling.”

“Well that's great! You have some self discovery on the road and then you find some more self discovery in college too.”

“Yeah that’s what I was thinking!”

Connie turns her head to the back of the car focusing her eyes at Lion, “Hmm, I’ve been thinking about something.”

“Yeah, what is it?”

“If Lion has all these powers like...teleportation and walking on water do you think Lars does too.”

“Hmm...I never really thought about it. But in theory, yeah. Maybe I should ask him tomorrow. Oh! Which brings me to the question, you wanna go to space tomorrow?”

“Yeah! I don’t have to go back home until Saturday so it works out for my schedule.” I nod and continue to look forward on the road.

I arrived back at the BNB with Connie as I explained to her what happened in Jersey.

“There is no way that happened!” She said as she sat down on the couch.

I sat down next to her, “Yes way! Jersey is just a very terrible place that should not exist.”

She chuckles and pulls out something, “Guess what I picked up at the store yesterday,” She shows me the DVD, “‘It’s Dogcopter 6: Til Death Do We Bark’ I heard the reviews saying the movie really sucked as it was a completely different narrative and it was very cheesy but hey it could still be great!”

”Well, I do love cheesy movies and I do love Dogcoptor so…” she then put the movie in.

_ “Dogcoptor will be seen next time in “Dogcoptor: A Very Ruff Divorce, this lawsuit is woofing up a storm.”  _ the television said as the screen faded out

The movie was very cheesy as the reviewers said and I may have cried a bit as it was cute. But I noticed that Connie fell asleep on my shoulder. I, soon after, fell asleep too.

_Days cannot be predicted based upon how someone wants it to be. As days, just like people, aren’t usually a black and white good or bad. Everyday has some good and every day has some bad. Sometimes the good outweighs the bad and sometimes the bad outweighs the good. But even if the bad ruins your whole day you cannot...I mean I cannot let it ruin my whole life. As it is just a day and there will be another day after that. Another day to change, another day to grow, another day to be me._

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's a little bit short I procrastinated also there may be some spelling mistakes. Next update should be Thursday.


	3. Space isn't so friendly...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven sees Lars and learns some news.

_ ♪But I’m never lonely, lonely♪ ♪Can feel all the power runnin’ through me♪ ♪Yeah, I will keep risin’♪ _

* * *

[ Chapter Three: Space ](https://youtu.be/yWeuUwpEQfs)

“So…” Connie starts as she eats her cereal that Ms. Ruiz prepared for her, “are you excited?”

“Yeah,” I say with a grin I really am wondering what Lars is doing up there in space, “Are you?”

“Of course, it’s always interesting to see how the galaxy’s society has changed.”

“Where you kids going?” Ms. Ruiz chimed in.

“Space,” I said confidently.

“Alright then, keep your secrets,” I wanted to tell her I was telling the truth but there wasn’t any point. I often forget that most people do not know that the Gems...or aliens for that fact of the matter exist. Ms. Ruiz then left the house soon after.

“Hmm, Connie when you talk to your friends do you ever talk about the gems and such?”

“Well, it comes up sometimes. I don’t think it would be possible for them to not know about gem stuff because it plays such a big part in my life. But when I first told Patricia and Daniel that there’s another race outside of space they were shocked but like not surprised because they saw me riding a pink lion who has powers.”

“So like...nobody really knows that the Gems exist?”

“Probably the whole state of Delmarva does but the rest of the world, probably not.”

“Well that’s interesting...and good for me to know.”

“So,” Connie says as she finishes her last bite of cereal, “You ready to go to space.”

I shake my head and nod yes as I grab water, food, and my phone and put it in my bag.

We then go into Lion's mane. The calm and warmth of his interior almost made me forget that I cannot breathe. I then form a bubble around Connie and I. I then looked over to my left to see my mom’s painting, mom and dad’s photo and the treasure chest that was opened. _ “When did I open that?”  _ I thought as we walked over to Lars’ maple tree. 

We then burst out of Lars’ head much to his surprise.

“Agh!” He shouts as his annoyance soon turns to joy and says, “Hi Steven,” to me.

“Hey Lars,” I say with a smile, “Oops, I forgot to mention that I was going to bring Connie with me too,” Connie then waved to him.

“That’s alright...just next time could you text me before you jump out of my head randomly?”

“Oh Lars, you and I both know that’s not gonna happen.”

He sighs and sits in his chair, “So, what’s up?”

“I decided to travel around the country to find  _ me _ .”

“Ahh, a lil’ self discovery I see.”

“What about you? What have you been doing in space for the past few months?”

He flinches a bit, “Well the first month was good, very good. But then something odd happened..”

“Odd as in ‘interesting..’ odd or odd as in ‘huh?’ odd?”

“Um...the latter? Ish...it’s a bit of a mixture of the two. You see there’s these Gems who absolutely HATE how their society has changed. What’s a word for a rebellion rebelling against a previous rebellion which is now a norm?”

“So like…” Connie started, “an obedience towards past society?”

“Yeah that,” he says as he stands up again, “but I don’t want y’all to worry about it as we have a lot of it covered and you guys need time off from fighting,” we then follow Lars down the ship’s stairs.

“Hi Steven,” Rhodonite greeted.

“Hello Steven; Steven Hello,” the Rutile twins say.

“Heee lloooo Steeev aaannn,” Fluorite said.

Padparscha gasped, “Steven and his friend will be here soon,” she predicted.

“Hey everyone,” I said in response, “what’s everyone up to?”

“We’re planning; In case of the rebellion try to attack again,” the twins say.

I am still trying to process all of this. Yes, I know that some gems won’t change. But a whole rebellion? Really? I know I shouldn’t be worried about it. And from my knowledge, the rebellion hasn’t done too much damage...or else they would have contacted the crystal gems. But this isn’t my fight..agh I really need to talk to my therapist when I get back on earth.

Still to my curiosity I looked down at the table to see their plans:

~~ Plan A, Part 1: We find out the leader(s) ~~

~~ Suspects: An Emerald (One eye), ~~

~~ a lapis (bangs), ~~

~~ Bluebird (fusion NOT THE ICE CREAM) ~~

~~ Plan A, Part 2: Become friends with the leader(s) ~~

~~ Part 3: Teach leader(s) love & respect [and hope they’ll teach the rest of the rebellion it too] ~~

~~ *We’ll call it the Hard-Quick-Kind plan* (aka the “Steven Way”) ~~

***Probably won’t work :(***

Plan B, Part 1: Find out their base

Part 2: Pretend to be a part of their rebellion

Part 3: Find out their plans

Part 4: Tell Crystal gems/diamonds/someone

*Probably the plan we’re going with* 

“But enough of all that rebellion crap, where are you going to next Steven?”

“Uh,” I think I spaced out (Buh dum tss) for a bit. I was thinking alot about this whole rebellion thing. I’m scared. I kinda caused this...well..the diamonds technically did. But because of me there may be another gem war. Now I know how Lapis felt when she said she doesn’t want to get caught up in another gem war. And I don’t have to, I know that they don’t want me to. They even crossed out the plan I would’ve come up with. Ugh I don’t need to think about this. I’m retired. “I think...Green Mountain…”

“That’s good I heard they have good mountains and also…”

I don’t know what exactly happened but I spaced out again and my thoughts consumed me once more. And a cluster of what if’s swarmed through my head:

What if the rebels invade us now? What if they invade the ship right after I leave? What if I can't help them if they get defeated? What if they go to earth? What if they try colonization again? What if they poof the gems? What if they hurt my dad? What if they shatter the gems? What if they kill my dad? What if they all leave me? What if I’m left with no one? 

I suddenly start to notice my breath intakes becoming shorter and my heart pounding faster and louder.  _ “What is happening to me?” _ I think as it feels as though the room is spinning.  _ POUND POUND POUND  _ my heart goes once again. Everything feels as though my world is falling apart.  _ “Am I dying? Please help. Please someone help--” _

“Steven,” I see Connie approach me, “Are you okay?” she then notices what’s going on with me and then says to Lars, “We’re going to go upstairs for a second,” and Lars shakes his head okay as she grabs my hand and we walk upstairs. She sits me down in a chair and gives me her spare water.

I start to cry harshly, “I’m sorry Connie I..I don’t what happened I just--”

“Sh...sh...It’s okay, I’m here, you don’t need to apologize. Do you want a hug?” I nod and I feel the warmth of her arms on me and suddenly start to calm down.

After who-knows-how-long worth of time of hugging I suddenly released her. 

“Connie...do you know what happened? All I remembered is getting a rush of questions inside my head then everything went crazy in my mind...”

“Yeah, I think it might have been a panic attack… You don’t know what’s going on and you kinda feel like you’re dying, right? Like your world may fall apart. I just want you to know that you're here and you're okay you're going to be okay, okay?.”

“Okay, thank you so much, Connie. I was really scared and that thing never happened to me.”

She gave me a kiss on my forehead, “Anytime, Steven...you wanna head back home?”

“Yes please.”

So once again we were in a bubble in lion’s mane. This time it was different. Instead of hope, opportunity, and discovery I feel disappointment, embarrassment, and guilt. I know Connie said panic attacks are normal, but I don’t feel normal. I just feel like I messed up on something. But like my therapist said, I shouldn’t bottle up my emotions and I’m not a burden to anyone. But, Connie already helped me with the panic attack sooo I’ll just bottle it up for a day. And I’ll tell my therapist tomorrow.

_ Tomorrow. A fresh start. A new day...a new page as some would put it. A new page in the story of my life. That page was once written by someone, that someone was...me. Sometimes the page doesn’t go as you plan, sometimes it does, sometimes you don’t know. All of those are valid. But I really hope that tomorrow is a good day. And that’s all we really can do...hope. Sometimes that hope doesn’t work but sometimes it does and you’re glad. I’m hoping tomorrow will be my glad day because I haven’t gotten a glad day in a while. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I chose this song for this chapter bc it rlly helps me calm down especially during this time...I hope it'll help yall too 
> 
> Also I gave up on the whole over 2000 word thing imma do 1500-2000 words each chapter

**Author's Note:**

> If I had a dime for the amount of times I spelled bagels like begals I'd be rich. Imma try to update every three days so, the next update should be Monday! Thanks for reading!


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